2007-10-07

Humour Me

Today I have a guest blog for you straight from The Bag Lady (my talented sister)! Enjoy!

HUMOUR ME

Isn’t it funny how there can be so many different kinds of funny? I’m no expert on anything, but I know what makes me laugh. Of course, as I’ve gotten older, that has changed a little. Moving out to the country has twisted my perceptions a little. I’ll give you a few examples.

My significant other was involved in a serious car accident many years ago. After a month in the hospital, he was released with strict instructions not to remove the neck brace he was wearing. It was of the very stiff variety that severely limited his range of vision. Bored to tears after several days of forced inactivity, alone in the house, he decided to clean his gun. He lifted it high above his head and peered into the barrel, shut it and slammed it down onto the floor beside him. Naturally, it went off.

He almost had a heart attack, sitting there, slapping himself all over, thinking “I’m shot, I’m shot!!” Finding no blood and feeling no pain, he finally calmed down enough to start looking around for the bullet hole. He spent the rest of the afternoon searching everything in his line of sight for the evidence. Nothing. Several days later, his spouse went into the freezer for something for supper and came back to the kitchen with a quizzical look on her face, holding a bag of bread that had been totally destroyed. The interior of the freezer was covered with blasted strawberries, bread, etc. Turns out the bullet had gone through the door into the porch, then through the front of the freezer right below the handle, and lodged in the hinge at the back, destroying everything in its path!

He still had that freezer when we met, and we used it for another 12 years before it died. Wonder if it’s still considered murder?

He had a little dog at that time named Bear. Bear was a Poodle-Pomeranian-cross, and had a habit of walking on his back legs when he couldn’t see over the tall grass, hence the name. During his recuperation, he took Bear for a walk in the pasture. Of course, the cowboy could only see things that were either far away or fairly tall.

Suddenly, Bear started barking frantically and then took off running for the house. Not knowing what the problem was, the cowboy started looking around, finally bending from the waist and coming eye to eye with an actual bear! Didn’t take him long to make his way back to the house, either!

Another time, long after the neck-brace was history, the cowboy was alone on the ranch during calving season. It was early spring, muddy and wet. He discovered a newborn calf lying in a huge puddle of water. He grasped it firmly by the back legs and had started dragging it out of the puddle when he was hit from behind with enough force to knock him right out of his rubber boots! Turns out the mother cow had taken exception to his handling her calf and she proceeded to chase him all the way to the fence! It took him three days to get his boots back. Every time he went to the pasture, the cow chased him out. He finally had to saddle up his horse and chase the cow far enough across the pasture to allow him time to get the boots.

What about you? What makes you howl with laughter? Is humour divided by the city limit sign?


6 comments:

Leah J. Utas said...

Hey Bag Lady - Love the guest post.
I remember that freezer and the bullet hole.
Oh, and I know to never, ever mess with a mom cow.

Hilary said...

Oh those first two stories, though funny, would have given me quite the scare, but that third one is hysterical! Reverse cow-tipping... who'd a thunk it.

Start a blog! :)

the bag lady said...

Leah - I've learned, too, never to turn my back on a new momma cow! That freezer served us well for many years, in spite of the water that dripped down the front from the bullet hole!
Hilary - I think that's one way of dealing with the scary stuff - turn it into a funny story.
If I ever get up the courage to start a blog, you'll be among the first to know!

Reb said...

Bag Lady, thank you for your guest post. It gave me a chuckle.

Penelope said...

That is a RIOT!!!

It's funny-- I wrote about guns today too, but from a different perspective.

-- P

Crabby McSlacker said...

Very funny, and glad to see you're getting around!

Guns scare me, and charging cows too, so this gives me more ammunition for my paranoia.

So no guns or momma cows in my house!