Himalayan Torture Tricks & Assassination Attempts

Once again, I am being lazy and brought this over from my original blog. He hasn't stopped!
Original post date: June 23, 2007

My beautiful cat, I am convinced he was in "Black Ops" in his previous life! He has (since he was a he) tried several times to choke me, to trip me in the dark, or to just simply suffocate me. In spite of this, I appear to be the only human that he likes and he is the biggest 'fraidy cat I have ever seen. He doesn't like loud noises, quick movements, men in general, or, wind! On the other hand, he is not afraid of thunderstorms! In spite of all of his fears, he is a sweet loving cat who like to snuggle, purrs like a Harley and drools when he is happy.

Back to the opening gambit - he likes to lie on my chest/stomach when I am reading in bed. I think most cats do this, however, he tries to get as close to my face as he can, then braces himself, with one paw on each side of my throat. Unfortunately he manages to place said paws right over the carotid arteries. You know, the really important ones - the same ones that wrestlers, police and military types use to render a subject unconscious? I had at one time considered finding myself a gorget to wear, but decided that armour might be a little excessive in this situation, not to mention probably more uncomfortable than just moving the cat. He second favorite trick while in that position, purring and drooling, is to sneeze - directly into my face.

Oh, I haven't mentioned that I am actually allergic to cats. I can put up with a bit of stuffiness from the hair, but the snot in the face, or getting scratched, or the drool, causes me to break out in hives and itchies. Really not appreciated!

He has tried the usual tricks of sitting at the top of the stairs in the dark, (he picked that one up from Shadow, my brothers black cat) he has tried dashing between my feet when I am in a hurry and the old standby of just lying down on my face when I am asleep. He doesn't put much effort into these, as I am sure he thinks they are beneath him.

His torture tricks are the newest and latest though. Beats the hell out of anything Jack Bauer can come up with! Since my cancer surgeries put an end to his favorite position on my chest, he has taken a liking to wrapping himself around my head. This was, by the way, great when I had no hair! He usually restricted this activity to while I was reading and when I turned out the light would bugger off on his usual hunt for food and litter box. Since I am now recovered, he has decided he can stay there while I sleep, or join me when he has done his rounds. New wrinkle though, he is now lying in such a manner that his head is pointing to the foot of the bed on the side nearest the door, his tail toward the headboard on the window side. I sleep facing the door more often than the window. He will hear that sound that only cats can hear and turn his head toward the door. Great no problem. Then, he has to look toward the window, make sure the noise wasn't outside. BIG PROBLEM! This movement causes his long slender whiskers to enter my nasal passages in a rather rude and abrupt manner! It doesn't matter how soundly asleep I am, this move is guaranteed to wake me. Worse yet, is when I am not yet asleep, but just about to drift off....I have enough trouble getting to sleep these days, that timing is enough to keep me awake for hours after I throw his little butt out of bed. Of course, if I happen to be facing the window, I get the fluffy tail and he won't keep it still.

Wake up and feed me damn it! No whisker tickles here, he jumps onto the bed on the far side from where I am sleeping and charges with all his might! Slamming his 10 lbs into my lower back, over and over until I get up. Interspersed into the slamming is his howl, this is where the Siamese side of him really shines! If I dare to turn over onto my back but don't get up, or at least pay him some attention (there is food & water down 24/7), he will jump directly onto me - he aims for soft body parts and particularly likes the spot right over the (generally full) bladder.

This cat has one of the most intriguing personalities of any animal I have ever known (and that includes some humans too). I am truly delighted and frustrated by him on a daily basis and hope that he will be with me for a very long time to come.

I forgot to mention in the original post, that his new sleeping position wrapped around my head, while great when I had no hair, is not so great now that I am being forced through menopause and have night sweats!

Sorry for the bad picture quality, I only have a really old web cam.

Hope you enjoy. Good morning!


Leah J. Utas said...

Sibu loves you and shows it in the only way cats know how. Well, okay, there's that other way with the love offering of assorted rodents...hmmm...my guess is you're glad he sticks to his known routine.

Reb said...

Yes, I am, Leah. That is just one of the reasons he only goes out on leash!

Big Sis said...

Speaking of the love offerings of assorted rodents - one of the critters who lives here brought home something that I think is an immature weasel...scarcely a mark on it, so I don't know who "done him in" - the cats generally only bring home Mouse Halves... This little critter is completely whole and just looks like he's sleeping. (In the garbage can, now...)
I know Sibu loves you, and barely tolerates anyone else!

Reb said...

That doesn't mean he isn't trying to drive me crazy - or kill me - LOL

Hilary said...

Aww he sounds like my Zephyr. The least agile but most loving hunk of purring fur in my world. He's been at the vet for almost a week now, who is trying to determine the cause of his constant vomiting for the past several days. Hopefully he'll be back home soon. For now, it was nice to read about yours.

Reb said...

Hilary, I hope Zephyr is going to be alright! I am glad reading about Sibu gave you a temporary cyber substitute.