How do you ...?

Alright, you all want a story. Well, I'll start with this one.

I was still in the training stages at the RCMP office, learning the ropes and trying to figure out the archaic telephone switchboard that they had (a step above cord & plug). I had already had a few odd calls that had nothing what-so-ever to do with police work which I had found very strange. Why are you calling the police for this? But, I would shake my head and then direct them to where they needed to call. For example: Your power is out? Call the power company at 555-1234. (I can see where they would mistake power for police, can't you?)

So, one evening, I was doing the bulk of the work, my trainer was feeling pretty good about just being there if I needed her, when I get the strangest call. One of the rural areas that our detachment covered was south of the river and was home for a lot of Indians - pardon me, First Nations People. (Back then they were still Indians) A resident of that area called as was his habit on a Friday night, except that this time, instead of his usual drunken ranting, he sounded reasonably sober. So, I asked him what I could help him with, after all, he hadn't sworn at me yet, so far all he'd said is hello.

He was quite for a minute, then said, "Well, I want to know..." I made that non-committal umhum sound that you make to keep people talking, "I have a steak!" Okay, good for you. What can the police do for you tonight? (all the while thinking, whoopee you have a steak - so go eat it!) "Can you cook it?" UM, no, I am at work and it is not a police job to cook your steak. "Can you tell me how to cook it?"

I put him on hold and I turned helplessly to my trainer (who is by this time laughing her ass off in the corner) and asked her what to do with this guy. We even checked the office to see if it was one of the boys playing tricks. How do you get to be 80 some years old and never learn to cook? Anyway, I get back on the line with him and with the trainer talking to me between her fits of laughter, we managed to tell him to fry it in a pan on the stove with some butter and that he had to cut it open after a few minutes to see how well cooked it was.

Now, I am not sure if the trainer was laughing harder at the old geezer, or at me for not knowing how to cook a steak either. Of all the people to ask how to cook a steak, he had to get me! Of course, I was 18 and was still living at home.

So, what strange phone calls have you made to the wrong authorities?

I once dialed the fire hall's alarm number by mistake. The last digit was the only difference between it and our home number and I was using a touch tone payphone and the 3rd number stuck so I got 2100 instead of 210? I was mortified! Yes, this was when touch tone phones were just new too, I am that old that I know what dial phones were like.


Good Morning all. Hope it was sort of funny.